Heavenly Grace (In 1080p)

There are countless reasons why I was attracted to my wife, Sherri. She’s rockin’ hot. She has exquisite taste in Neil Diamond albums. She bakes a mean taco-casserole-thingy I lovingly call “Cheese Surprise.” And she’s full of redheaded spunk. Somewhere, I won’t say exactly where, on the list was the fact that she owned an off-the-hook TV and stereo system that I stood to inherit the instant I said “I do.” Included was a beautiful Sony 27” television, a 25-disc CD changer, very nice Pioneer speakers, and a beefy receiver. She bought the thing, which I shall now refer to as “The Behemoth”, in 1996. It was quite high end for its time and had to have cost close to $2000. It has served us well.

As time went by, technologies changed. Music was now being downloaded from the “World Wide Web” in a magical mystical format called mp3. In just 45 minutes I could download a whole song from this weird Internet page called “Napster.” I could then record those mp3 things on a CD with something called a “CD burner” in just 30 minutes time! Blank CDs only cost about $2.00 per disc and each recording would only fail once or twice. From start to finish we were simply looking at 10 hours of download time (which I could do while I slept) and 66 minutes of burn time, accounting for bad burns. And the CD only cost $6.00, including the failed attempts, which I so wittily called “coasters” (yarharhar!) The clear winner over the 10 minute drive and $12.99 at the record store. Right?

Time continued to pass, technology continued to improve, and equipment started to adapt. MP3 players, particularly iPods, made CD players obsolete. BOSE released speakers that were roughly 1/100th the size of our speakers and put out 10x the sound and 20x the clarity. Chips got smaller and so did the boxes that housed them. The Behemoth was fast becoming an outdated piece of machinery, much like the computers from the 60s that took up several rooms of space to house. Now my cell phone has more kung fu than those monsters.

A few years ago I saw my first plasma television and instantly thought, “where the hell is the rest of the TV?” I just saw a screen. Kind of like in the movie “Mannequin” when Kim Cattrall hears a stereo for the first time and says, “where do you hide the musicians?” I wanted to know where they were hiding the wizard that was making the screen glow. And it was brilliant! So clear. And this was just the beginning. Televisions were getting bigger and smaller at the same time. They are now at a point where you simply hang your TV on the wall, like a painting. I walked away from that television much like Wayne from his Fender Stratocaster, “you will be mine. Oh yes….you will be mine.” It was just a matter of time.

But our beloved Behemoth was an ox. For 12 years that sucker has plugged along. Sure, the inputs on the front were totally shorted out, the Reds were so bright that my retinas have been burned from my eyeballs, and it makes a terrifying “CLUNK” sound when you turn it on, but it still works. And as long as that TV works there will be no reason to replace it.

But then technology took another turn. The digital and HD ages started creating situations that were difficult for The Behemoth to survive, much less adapt to. Firstly, there was the announcement that all television broadcasts were going digital and older televisions would either need to be upgraded or buy a converter box that would allow the TV to get the signal. Secondly, media was being released at much higher quality levels that were designed for updated television sets. Try playing an XBOX game like Fable 2 or Banjo 3 on a 27” standard television. You need a freaking magnifying glass just to read the prompts.

I built up the courage and pleaded my case to my bride. It went over like a lead balloon. We talked about it and joked about it for close to a year. I begged and Sherri laughed. I’m sure it was cute to see me groveling and whimpering on the floor like a beaten cocker spaniel. However, during this stage of the game, all of our friends and most of our family had upgraded their TV sets and Sherri got to see them firsthand. And she was impressed. My position was strengthening.

This Christmas the planets aligned. The combination of some paltry inheritance money and Christmas cash from the parentals and Granny B set the stage for victory. Magically out of the blue left-field from nowhere, Sherri said “go buy your TV.” All she saw were scorch marks from my feet. I was gone…on my way to Circuit City.

The recession has not been kind to Circuit City. It is the most recent Old Yeller of the electronics industry…rabid and doomed. They’ve already filed bankruptcy and stores are being systematically shut down nationwide. So naturally this was a great time to take advantage. I was dead-set on a particular TV, a 46” Samsung. They didn’t have any in stock. In fact they had very little in stock, period. This was the day after Christmas and inventory was going out like crazy. While I was talking with the sales guy, someone brought a TV back that they got for Christmas. There was nothing wrong with it…it was just smaller than what they’d wanted. It was a 46” Sony and the sales rep asked if I’d consider it. We brought it out, fired it up, and looked at it next to the Samsung. I was well pleased. He knocked $200.00 off the price, wrapped it up in cellophane, and we loaded it up. Since then the unit has gone up $700.00 in price. I scored. Chalk it up to planet alignment yet again.

There is only one adjective appropriate when describing my experience watching my TV. Orgasmic. And I’ll no longer call it “The TV.” It deserves better than that. I shall henceforth call her “Grace.” Watching up-converted DVDs on Grace is heavenly. Experiencing 360 games on Grace is second only to sweet-sweet love. I am terrified to see how my body responds to Blue Ray on Grace, so I’m not even going to tempt that fate until I’ve learned to control myself during regular DVD viewing and XBOX games.

Grace is finally mine. And by the grace of Grace go I.

Please Pass the Crow

Opinions are like vacuum cleaners. Most everyone has one and all of them suck. One of the many radities of blogging is the ability to slather my opinion on myriad topics all over the screen with very little accountability and hardly any occasion to defend my stance. I can also invent wicked new words like “radities.”

When I was in 6th grade my sister came running into the house after school sobbing. She was wet, dirty, bloodied and bruised. She said a jr. high school boy had roughed her up and thrown her in the canal as she walked home from school. I darted out of the house and sprinted up to the canal. There he was, with a henchman, picking on more kids. He was noticeably older than I. And bigger. I got in his face, and he got back in mine. Without warning I threw my best Clubber Lang right hook, square in his mouth. I’d never punched anyone before, but I’d seen enough action movies to know that when you punched someone in the face they fell down unconscious and your hand never hurt. Oddly, this 14-year-old heathen barely flinched and my hand felt like I’d crushed it with a pin roller. He simply raised his left hand to his lips, wiped the trickle of blood, and smirked. His eyes narrowed in anger. Mine widened in terror. I pivoted and ran as fast as I could the opposite way. He caught me of course and proceeded to ground-n-pound my cranium.

Blogging is similar to my experience confronting the bully. I can take my potshots, share my oft-bizzare and totally inappropriate opinion, then turn and run…hoping the informed reader doesn’t catch me and beat me down with silly things like facts, dates, and proof. But in the rare occasion that such a thing would happen, or an event occurs that proves me wrong, I’m boy-man enough to sack up and admit my error. So today I come before you, a humble faux-hawked, bearded boy-man, admitting that I was wrong.

Some months ago I posted this opinion piece out of frustration. For those that don’t want to read or re-read it, I was venting about Utah being a red state and how completely FUTILE it is to vote democrat (for president) in the land of the beehive. I then ranted about how cause crusaders waste their effort. For example, a person that lives a vegan lifestyle due to animal cruelty is a complete and total joke. My choosing to not buy the T-bone already packed in cellophane on the butcher’s shelf is not going to save the life of that cow. It is dead. And one person’s effort to affect that industry is laughable. You cannot change the system. End of story, period, goodbye.

I stand corrected.

Last week I caught this story about a University of Utah student named Tim DeChristopher that single-handedly defeated the Bureau of Land Management (BLM) in southern Utah. The guy waltzed into an auction of oil and gas drilling leases and picked up a paddle. He raised the bidding paddle as often as he could, purchasing 22,000 acres of land with absolutely no intention or ability to pay. Further, he effectively drove up the prices by bidding so that other entities paid up to three times the reasonable price for the land. Eventually, the fuzz caught on and federal agents removed DeChristopher from the bidding room.

There are a few serious issues now for the BLM. Like any government agency, there is a tremendous amount of red tape to clear up and policy to follow. There is no “mulligan” here. They can’t just say, “ok, well now that the punk kid is gone, let’s start over.” There are also winning bidders that don’t want to run the risk of losing their bids. By the time the red tape clears and the dust settles, the Obama administration will be in power…and that land just isn’t going to come back up for sale. These people want that land for drilling, and if they have to pay inflated prices…so be it. As geologist Jason Blake so eloquently stated in the New York Times article, “they were hosed.”

Listen, I’m no environmentalist. I’m not saying that I don’t love and appreciate the environment, because I do. But I’m not convinced that saving land near preserved areas is more important than independence from foreign oil. I’d LOVE alternative energy sources, but drilling is technology and equipment that we already have in place. Funding terrorism through Middle East oil is evil, and I want to get away from that.

I have got to give much love and respect to Tim DeChristopher, even though I don’t necessarily agree with his philosophy. As evidenced by this television interview, he is clearly well spoken, intelligent, and informed. He completely understood what he was doing and is fully willing to take on whatever action the system takes. It looks like he has an imposing legal team ready to defend him pro bono and it has been rumored that environmentalist groups may come to his side and actually purchase the land that he bought at auction, clearing him from any personal financial responsibility. This guy is a hero to environmentalists. He’s not MY hero per se, but he has emphatically proven me wrong. It is clearly possible for a single voice to be heard when the speaker is smart, persistent, and a little devious.

Well-played young man. Well-played indeed.

"Sink or Swim!" sayeth the Pirates of Cydonia

Hi, my name is Wounded Possum…and I am a pirate. YAAARRRR! Like it or hate it, I’m an avid rabid downloader. So let’s first address the elephant in the room and lay out the ethical dilemma behind music piracy:

True or False? Piracy = Theft
My answer? False, as illustrated in the diagram shown below.

Not only do I feel that piracy is not theft, but I believe music file sharing is the ultimate free advertising tool available to all artists…everywhere. A) It is no secret that the large majority of revenue from CD sales is never seen by artists and instead is gobbled up by record companies. Lyle Lovett has never seen a single red cent from an album sale through his Universal record deal inked out in 1985 (link). Those that DO actually profit from record sales see very little cash. B) There are several studies that show that record sales have greatly benefitted from The Piracy Era. The graphs shown here illustrate incredible spikes in album sales in the late 90s and early 00s, in the absolute height of the download age. Side note…I’ve never managed to win this argument against designers or artists. Their views on “intellectual property” are entirely different than anyone else’s. So if you are in this camp…I’m sorry.

After the initial boom and mass hysteria brought on by Napster and other early P2P file sharing services, the music industry panicked. Instead of indentifying the wave of the future, waxing its board, and hanging 10 straight to Profitsville, it decided to defiantly wade into the sea, beat its head against swells, and try to sue the wave. The mass foot-stamping chaos created by the music industry, and a VERY select few musicians, resembled a three-year-old rich kid going full-on Smeagol on the living room floor because his toy truck was Hasbro and not Tonka. It’s still a freaking truck…the source might be different, but the trucks are equally rad.

We, the people, saw the tantrum and reacted. Instead of using P2P as a new vehicle to preview and find music, we decided to snub the record label suits and pirate their product en masse. And by “we” I mean “I.” Bottom line, if I want to support an artist directly I’ll buy a ticket to their show. Or if it’s an indie artist on an indie label I’ll absolutely buy the disc. Indie labels take care of their people. A good percentage of my favorite bands are all taper-friendly anyhow and fully dig the digital revolution.

“Come and gather ‘round people wherever you roam and admit that the waters around you have grown, and accept it that soon you’ll be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth savin’, then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone, for the times they are a-changin’.” -- Bob Dylan

Everyone was slow to change, but those that have are reaping the benefits. iTunes, Amazon.com, Last.FM, Pandora, Napster, and shrewd individual musicians have all adopted ways to help experience music inexpensively or free. The times are a-changin’, and only the quick and open-minded will stay afloat.

I found this article today on Comcast.net news that addresses a new industry shift, thanks to the Guitar Hero and Rock Band franchises. It’s no secret…I’m a gamer and a fake-plastic-instrument junkie. Last May I was in Chicago for the National Restaurant Association food show. This is the “who’s who” for any self-respecting industry player in the food business. Coca Cola had a ginormous booth with a couple dozen sales reps floating in the area, handing out frosty beverages. Additionally, they had set up a 50ish” flat screen television and an XBOX 360 with Guitar Hero. I walked past the booth and saw two fellow industry professionals battling out to “School’s Out” on medium difficulty and they were tanking. Hard. “Bong, bing, dang, crash, bonk.” Note after note. So I weaseled my way up toward the front of the small crowd that had formed and watched. As the song ended, one of the suits handed me the guitar and said, “Give it a shot, it’s kind of fun.” “Ok, I’ll give it a try.” I fired up “Knights of Cydonia” on expert difficulty and shredded my way to a 5-star, 94% finish. By the time the song was over I had a gallery of spectators that would rival Tiger Woods putting for the win on the 18th at Augusta. I handed the controller back to the guy, whose jaw was to his knees, “what, do you play this for a LIVING?” “Nope. I have a 6-year old kid that plays.” And I walked away.

Thirty something business professionals play video games. Guitar Hero is the new squash.

Musicians are now starting to greatly benefit from the fake plastic rocker (FPR) games. That article, again linked here, suggests some incredible statistics:

• Many songs' sales have more than doubled after release in one of the games through individual download sales.
• Bands control revenue, NOT labels, due to image likeness and licensing deals that apply to FPRs.
• FPR sales more than doubled this year, $1.9 billion in 12 months.
• Aerosmith made more money off the June release of "Guitar Hero: Aerosmith" than either of its last two albums.
• EXPOSURE is huge.
• Artists from Nirvana to the Red Hot Chili Peppers have seen sales of their music more than double after being released on the games.
• FPRs protect artists that release music straight to the games. You actually have to buy the music through the console instead of ripping and burning.
• Users have downloaded game-playable songs more than 55 million times, some free but most around $1.99 each, since the games launched, and new titles come out each week.
• Promoters have brought the game into the real world with a "Rock Band Live" concert tour. Concert tracking magazine Pollstar said 2,900 fans paid $25 to $36 each to rock the Event Center at San Jose State.

A fine display of change and ingenuity. The music industry has almost fully completed its shift from CDs to more interesting and accessible forms of product dissemination. The waters have grown. There will be many-a-sunken stone, but those that have started swimmin’ will remain dry, popular, and rich.