Why the Fear?

For someone that professes political ambiguity and general indifference, I sure do write about politics a lot. As stated in other posts, I’m largely confused and torn politically. I consider myself a conservative and I consider myself a liberal but I don’t consider myself a moderate…if that’s even possible. Maybe it’s just easier to incessantly bitch about things when you’re that uncommitted. And I guess it’s a general feeling of helplessness and disdain that motivates me to think and write politically. And right now I feel both.

I’ve been overly sensitive to Facebook Prophets as of late. Those soap-boxers that use FB as a vehicle to vilify Obama or Glenn Beck. Thank God for the “hide” function. I’m routinely astounded at how narrow-minded and silly people can be. Obama is not the anti-Christ. Beck is not the hate-mongering harbinger of death. Liberals have an agenda and they use media to promote it, i.e. Bill Maher and John Stewart (who is brilliant by the way.) Conservatives also use media to promote their agenda, i.e. Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity. Each side can be valid and each side can go full retard. What hurts me is the chaos that is created by such clashing. It is dark and it is ugly. We Americans have lost respect for the system and its offices and I blame the partisan media.

Yesterday my two boys brought home permission forms from school, demanding parental consent for them to watch an upcoming presidential address to American students on the importance of education. You actually had to sign it to allow your child to participate. Not to decline it, but to allow it. In other words, the district’s default position was to keep the kids away from the address unless otherwise stated by their parents. I was dumbfounded.


I cannot believe we have come to live in such a fearful society. What in the hell are we afraid of? Do we think that Obama is going to use this opportunity to brainwash our children into supporting gay marriage or immigration reform? Is he going to subliminally command them to kill the prime minister of Malaysia? Why the fear?!

When I was a child I was taught that the president of the United States of America held an important, almost sacred office. Not because it was Regan, but because he was the leader of the free world. The office stood for freedom and justice. Not the man. The OFFICE. Regan had issues. Bush had issues. Clinton had issues. The other Bush had issues. Obama has issues. But he holds the most important office on the planet and it is our duty to listen to what he has to say, then use our God-given judgment to discern what we believe to be right or wrong, true or false. I believe that he, at his core, stands for freedom and justice…just as Regan did. I am not an Obama guy. Some of his ideas scare me. But I believe his intentions and motivations with regards to my children’s education are pure.

Bottom line, this is an address on the importance of education. I don’t care if it’s the president, Glenn Beck, or Charles freaking Manson speaking. Any help in strengthening the importance of education in the minds of my children is quite welcome. It doesn't matter if the office is held by a democrat, republican, libertarian, or whig. My children will grow up to respect that office and hopefully aspire to it.

Come Fly the Not-So-Friendly Skies

I caught this story in USA Today where over 2,000 airline passengers were polled to see if they would prefer a “family section” on flights. Nearly 60% said yes. In addition, 20% said they would prefer child-free flights. The survey came on the heels of a law suit filed by a 67-year-old American that sued an Australian airline after a 3-year-old child screamed on her flight causing pain in her ear.

To be fair, most of the 60% that favored family sections or kidless flights didn’t have children of their own, so there is some disconnect and lack of empathy there. But I don’t care. They are all idiots.

Have these people never been around children? Unless they are People Under the Stairs or haters of innocence and purity, I don’t understand how these tools could want to ban families from flying. Or quarantine them. Can a crying baby be obnoxious? Certainly. But so can you elitist bastards with your noise-cancelling headphones and iPads. I realize that you are a “business professional” and that you work exceptionally hard, but you are not working any harder than the dad that busted ass for three years to afford the magical Disneyland vacation for his young family. Not everyone works to luxuriate in snooty opulence, sipping red wine and stroking lap dogs while listening to Haydn. That child’s trip from point A to point B is every bit as valid as yours. You can deal with a little discomfort for a few hours. And if you are flying Southwest then you are exposing even more of your idiocy. Southwest is a bus in the sky. The only thing missing are livestock and chickens milling about the passengers to have a complete third-world charter.

What a silly survey. It doesn’t even make business sense to do such a thing. The airline industry lives and dies by ticket sales. There is no chance in hell they would risk losing seat sales by blocking off designated areas for families or children.

Designated areas. Doesn’t that just sound terrible? It screams of segregation to me. Hey…I know…let’s designate areas for fat people like Taco Cabana Lady. Do they know how horrible it is to sit next to someone whose lard is spilling 10” over the armrest? Trust me, I know. People glare at me when they see they drew the short straw with a seat adjacent to mine. Let’s stick anyone over 250 lbs. in the back of the plane. In fact, if you are over three bills then you aren’t allowed onboard, period. And Asian people smell funny, so let’s have an Asian section too. And old people annoy the hell out of me. They had their time to fly when they were young and actually WORTH something. But that ship has sailed Get your mothballed turtle asses back home and watch your programs in your wicker furniture-filled, wood-paneled parlors.

Now I believe that people should exercise common sense and human courtesy. I believe that families with small children should move toward the back of the airplane as a courtesy to other travelers. I believe they should try very hard to keep them quiet and calm. I also believe that very young children should not sit in first class. That is one area where business travelers can pay a premium to fly in peace. If you want to offer designated seating for families with discounted pricing or kidless sections at added premiums, then fine. That could be an option. However, I do NOT believe that anyone has the right to demand where people sit. Rosa Parks wasn’t down. Why would I be?

Big Love - No Big Thang

I typically avoid religion-themed pieces like the plague, but...

Most of the free world by now knows that the HBO series “Big Love”, a show about a fundamentalist polygamous “Mormon” family, aired scenes depicting highly sacred and allegedly secretive ceremonies that are performed within the walls of the temples of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS.) The LDS community is wigging. I’m here to tell you not to. There’s no sense in it. As a fiercely proud and loyal active member of the LDS church, I find it comical that our ranks are calling for boycotts and shouting at the evil HBO network with skinny fists raised like antennas to heaven.

1) This is nothing new. The church has been persecuted since its inception. Have we forgotten that it was freaking legal to shoot and KILL Mormons in Missouri until only a few years ago? The spirits of our beloved late brethren and sisters that have been expelled from homes, tarred and feathered, publicly humiliated, spat upon, raped, and even murdered, are shaking their heads in disbelief that we are making such a fuss over a television show. How would Joseph Smith react to this unbearable debacle? He’d smile, wink, smack your shoulder, and tell you not to fret.

2) It is OUR responsibility to keep our beliefs sacred. We cannot control what other people do, say, think, or show on television. Just because it is known, does not make it less sacred and special. Maybe less secret; but certainly not less sacred.

3) Big Love relied upon information given from FORMER members of the LDS faith for their show. No temple-worthy, current member of the church would ever give specifics of temple ceremonies. The entire show is suspect and cannot be viewed as accurate. I used to be a boy scout. You don’t see me teaching knot-tying clinics. I pity the fool that would rely on one of my knots.

4) By many accounts from what I’ve read, and I’ve read a lot, the scenes from the temple ceremony added absolutely nothing to the plot of the show, essentially negating the producers’ claim that it was integral to the episode. Let’s use our brains here. A spade is a spade. This blatant disregard for and disrespect of sacred LDS temple rites is nothing more than a hate-filled act of vengeance for “the church’s” involvement in the passing of Proposition 8 in California. Both producers/creators of the show, Mark V. Olsen and Will Scheffer, are openly gay and likely have a bone to pick with those that supported Prop 8. That is fine. I have no problem with a response to those involved with the passing of the proposition. Unfortunately, they have decided to exact revenge by disquieting LDS folk globally, many of which (like me) don’t exactly share the general LDS opinion on gay marriage.

Mr. Olsen and Mr. Scheffer, I feel sorry for you. I feel pity and I feel compassion. Your lives must be full of sorrow and pain. I sincerely hope that you find some form of happiness in your lives. But please know that your desperate attempts to make us hurt as you hurt are fruitless. They are empty. They are feeble uppercuts to the mighty stone jaw of the happy, informed, secure membership of the LDS faith. Your kung fu is not strong. Your voodoo is powerless. Your bark has no bite and your smoke has no fire. Try as you may, you will not bring us down. You point the finger and wag the tongue, accusing the world of “hate” when it benefits you, but you are blind to your own hateful actions of intolerance.

I love the temple. I respect and revere it. Please know that there is nothing you can do to tarnish its spirit. You can tag its walls, infiltrate its halls, sacrifice farm animals, urinate on the couches, swing like monkeys from the chandeliers, finger paint lewd images on the carpet, flood the toilets, and tear it apart stone-by-stone and brick-by-brick. I’ll be bummed about it, but not hurt. So bring it on. Bring the pain. Because you’ve got nothing. You’ve brought a plastic butter knife to a bazooka battle. And I pity you both.

Ostensible Parenting

Parents are failing their children on an epic scale. A guitar hero buddy of mine in Cincinnati wrote a stellar blog piece about a year ago that detailed how “helicopter parents” are sheltering their kids from rejection and disappointment. Clearly that’s setting the stage for monumental disaster later in that child’s life when he realizes that the world is not made of sunshine and dancing unicorn dust. Girl Scout cookies don’t magically sell themselves and you actually have to try out for basketball teams. I’m no expert on parenting, but I’m a decent observer. And what I observe is ugly.

Many parents expect the public school system to raise their children. My brother in law is a counselor at a middle school in southern Utah. He has shared numerous stories of how parents refuse to take accountability for their misbehaving children and expect the school to handle the discipline and reform…as long as it doesn’t hurt little Timmy’s feelings. Parents also expect the school system to create intelligent, witty, creative, courteous kids that naturally turn into successful and motivated adults. News flash…the public school system is in place to ASSIST in the education of children. It is YOUR responsibility to actually teach and raise your kids. The system is there to provide proven and effective methods to present information to young people by adults that are knowledgeable and skilled communicators. Parents are there to make damn sure their kids understand the information given or, better yet, instill a hunger to MASTER the subject matter and have fun doing it. Schools don’t create scholars. Schools don’t make CEOs, professors, and presidents. Parents do.

I was sickened when I read this article today about New Mexico parents failing to pay their school lunch tab. Children whose parents are behind are being given a plain cheese sandwich, some fruit, and some milk instead of being given normal lunch like the kids whose parents are current. I need to bullet my points here, otherwise I’ll ramble:

1) I understand that times are hard. The recession blows.

2) It’s gut-wrenching for me to envision a sweet, timid 1st grader, like my son, being physically pulled from the lunch line and handed a white sack with a stale cheese sandwich and a mushy apple inside while his peers point and laugh. White sack = poor kid. That is the kind of public ridicule that will instantly and forever damage that kid’s self image. His peers will always remember him as one of the “white-baggers” from 1st grade, just like Chas remembers me for my crappy shoes that slid all over the basketball court…25 years ago.

3) It is pathetic that parents don’t have to share in their children’s shame. Shielding yourselves with your own kids is disgusting, intended or not.

4) It is commendable that the school district is trying to make sure that each child has something to eat for lunch. The system might be flawed and not well planned, but the effort is there. Hunger is a verb that most all of us will never fully know. Being hungry is one thing…hunger is quite another. It motivates people to steal and kill. Hunger sucks, and I applaud the district for fighting it.

5) It is commendable that the school system is holding parents accountable and not allowing them to get everything for nothing.

6) It is sad that this ^^ comes at the expense of children.

The school system is on track to lose $300,000 this year on unpaid student lunch bills alone. That is six times the amount in 2006. In order to cover the debt, the schools will have to pull from other departments in the budget since not even the federal lunch program money given, from OUR tax dollars, can cover. So all students will suffer from the inability and ineptitude of bad parents.

I fully understand that there is poverty in the world and that parents are struggling to feed their kids. My “bad parents” claim might seem harsh. I counter that with the following question. If your child were NOT in school and were home for the summer, would you expect him to starve or would you find a way, no matter how creative, to feed him? Easy. You’d feed the kid. Now, take that same creativity, throw it in a lunch box and send it to school with the boy.

In my opinion the solution is simple. Completely do away with school lunch programs. I sell cookies to school districts and buying groups all over the country. It is astounding how much time, effort, and MONEY is put into child nutrition. That shouldn’t be their job! You don’t need a cookie that has no fat or sugar and tastes like cardboard. What you need is to tell Timmy to turn off the Playstation, get off his lardass, and mix in some kickball.

It is not the school’s responsibility to teach, raise, discipline, AND feed our children. By doing away with the program you put all children on a level playing field. If all the kids are bringing white sacks to school, no one will care if one houses a cheese sandwich or a cheesesteak. The sack itself is the equalizer. When kids “forget” their lunch, call the parents. If it persists, call in the cavalry. Get DCFS involved. For the truly willing and CARING, there are programs out there to make sure your kids don’t go hungry. The public school system, however, is NOT one of those programs.

Disgusted With the Media

I first caught glimpse of the power and influence of the media during the Columbine shootings. I was home on the couch watching the news when the switch to live coverage happened. I was floored at how quickly and deftly the media could maneuver coverage and gather information. It all was unfolding real time right in front of my eyes. What really struck me during the aftermath was how some information was accurate and some was not. Some reports were dreadfully wrong. Regardless of accuracy, I learned that what I am told on the news I believe whole-heartedly. I learned that my assumption was that the news was objective and the media reported proven facts only, stripped of bias and haze. Since then I have gradually learned and adapted my understanding to what it is today: The media is a circus that is interested in one thing and one thing only. Viewership. Right and wrong mean nothing. The story is everything. Below are three recent monumental media failures:

1) Nadya Suleman. This woman should be arrested and tried for neglect rather than paraded all over the media. She is unemployed. She has been living on now-exhausted student loans allegedly totaled at $50,000. She is in school pursuing a career in social work. And she unethically had SIX embryos transplanted instead of the typical maximum of 2-3. She now has 14 children to raise by herself in a two-bedroom apartment with no income, no husband/partner, and $459 per month for food stamps. Her infinite medical bills will inevitably be taken care of through taxpayer funds, not to mention her cost of living.

The sickening thing is that the media blitz is likely falling in line with her diabolical plan. She wants attention. She wants money. And the media will lap it up and shell out the dough. Ann Curry’s interview made me sick, overstressing the point that NBC was NOT paying Suleman for the interview. Memo to Ann: She doesn’t care. Your show/network/interview was nothing more than a launching pad to put Suleman in the crosshairs of countless programs and periodicals that WILL pay top dollar for her story and photos. You have enabled and promoted her scheme of profiting from her neglected children. This is no “John and Kate Plus Eight” or “18 Kids and Counting.” Those kids were born into legitimate families that love and support them without taxpayer funds. They were responsible and ethical decisions. Without the media attention, Nadya Suleman would be forced to do the right thing…place those children in the care of families that have the ABILITY to love and care for them. Shameful.

2) Pregnant man. How ridiculous. My beef with this deal has nothing to do with moral and ethical dilemmas surrounding sexual orientation, civil unions, or gay marriage. My personal opinions on those subjects are just that…personal. And they probably aren’t popular with either side of the issue. My problem with this story is from a medical or physiological viewpoint. THIS IS NOT A MAN. It is a woman in a wicked-clever and highly expensive man suit. Gender is not a state of mind. Gender is not misplaced or improperly assigned. You are born with the equipment that you have and that characterizes you as male or female. Penis=male. Vagina=female. You can have parts lopped off or surgically attached, but you are still the woman or man you were before the alteration. If you are a man attracted to other men, that’s fine. If you are a woman attracted to other women, that’s great. But you can’t whack off your wiener, take some estrogen, and magically become a woman. It is a costume. That is all. So, memo to “Pregnant (wo)Man”:

womb + ovaries + vajaja = WOMAN

The media has made this far more interesting than it really is. This is a lesbian woman in a man costume that had a baby. Pretty bland really. I'm also pissed that her beard is better than mine.

3) Michael Phelps. This dude is a stud. He is a national hero (if you subscribe to Olympic athletes as heroes.) He eats 12,000 calories a day and has an upper body that has to be greased down with Crisco to get him through doorways. And guess what world…HE’S A KID. It is unfair that we force young national figures to live by pristine adult standards. I can think of very few examples of young people that miss their childhood/teenage/young adult years that end up ok. Just look at teen actors.

Michael Phelps hit the bong. Who the hell cares? Punishing a kid for something he did at a party five months prior to the 4x6 photo that some jealous tool posted and leaked to the media is a waste of time and taxpayer money. I’m pretty sure that if I posted a picture of myself hoisting an apple bong over my head to Flickr, Facebook, and this blog, I would get ZERO legal heat. It’s unfair that Michael Phelps is being focused so hard. The young man already did the right thing by sacking up and publicly apologizing for poor judgment and irresponsible behavior. Let the kid go. He's actually losing sponsors over this. He deserves better treatment after having brought so much pride to an entire nation. Is Phelps a role model? Yes. Do kids look to him as an example? Yes. Is marijuana illegal? Yes. Should it be punishable by law? Yes. Should Phelps receive excess heat because of his public status and role model position? Absolutely not. The law should apply to all people equally, with equal ferocity and callousness. And Phelps is receiving undue ferocity and callousness from the law, pushed relentlessly by the media.

The media has no moral compass. There is no right or wrong to them. Only stories. They do not report fact. They do not pursue truth. They sell information, often swayed and always spun. There is no social responsibility with the media anymore. It is corporate-sponsored propaganda. The unfortunate reality is that we, the intelligent audience, have to exercise our best judgment when being fed information, wading through the spam to get to the guts of the message, because the media is certainly not going to course correct and actually report with a conscience.

Please Pass the Crow

Opinions are like vacuum cleaners. Most everyone has one and all of them suck. One of the many radities of blogging is the ability to slather my opinion on myriad topics all over the screen with very little accountability and hardly any occasion to defend my stance. I can also invent wicked new words like “radities.”

When I was in 6th grade my sister came running into the house after school sobbing. She was wet, dirty, bloodied and bruised. She said a jr. high school boy had roughed her up and thrown her in the canal as she walked home from school. I darted out of the house and sprinted up to the canal. There he was, with a henchman, picking on more kids. He was noticeably older than I. And bigger. I got in his face, and he got back in mine. Without warning I threw my best Clubber Lang right hook, square in his mouth. I’d never punched anyone before, but I’d seen enough action movies to know that when you punched someone in the face they fell down unconscious and your hand never hurt. Oddly, this 14-year-old heathen barely flinched and my hand felt like I’d crushed it with a pin roller. He simply raised his left hand to his lips, wiped the trickle of blood, and smirked. His eyes narrowed in anger. Mine widened in terror. I pivoted and ran as fast as I could the opposite way. He caught me of course and proceeded to ground-n-pound my cranium.

Blogging is similar to my experience confronting the bully. I can take my potshots, share my oft-bizzare and totally inappropriate opinion, then turn and run…hoping the informed reader doesn’t catch me and beat me down with silly things like facts, dates, and proof. But in the rare occasion that such a thing would happen, or an event occurs that proves me wrong, I’m boy-man enough to sack up and admit my error. So today I come before you, a humble faux-hawked, bearded boy-man, admitting that I was wrong.

Some months ago I posted this opinion piece out of frustration. For those that don’t want to read or re-read it, I was venting about Utah being a red state and how completely FUTILE it is to vote democrat (for president) in the land of the beehive. I then ranted about how cause crusaders waste their effort. For example, a person that lives a vegan lifestyle due to animal cruelty is a complete and total joke. My choosing to not buy the T-bone already packed in cellophane on the butcher’s shelf is not going to save the life of that cow. It is dead. And one person’s effort to affect that industry is laughable. You cannot change the system. End of story, period, goodbye.

I stand corrected.

Last week I caught this story about a University of Utah student named Tim DeChristopher that single-handedly defeated the Bureau of Land Management (BLM) in southern Utah. The guy waltzed into an auction of oil and gas drilling leases and picked up a paddle. He raised the bidding paddle as often as he could, purchasing 22,000 acres of land with absolutely no intention or ability to pay. Further, he effectively drove up the prices by bidding so that other entities paid up to three times the reasonable price for the land. Eventually, the fuzz caught on and federal agents removed DeChristopher from the bidding room.

There are a few serious issues now for the BLM. Like any government agency, there is a tremendous amount of red tape to clear up and policy to follow. There is no “mulligan” here. They can’t just say, “ok, well now that the punk kid is gone, let’s start over.” There are also winning bidders that don’t want to run the risk of losing their bids. By the time the red tape clears and the dust settles, the Obama administration will be in power…and that land just isn’t going to come back up for sale. These people want that land for drilling, and if they have to pay inflated prices…so be it. As geologist Jason Blake so eloquently stated in the New York Times article, “they were hosed.”

Listen, I’m no environmentalist. I’m not saying that I don’t love and appreciate the environment, because I do. But I’m not convinced that saving land near preserved areas is more important than independence from foreign oil. I’d LOVE alternative energy sources, but drilling is technology and equipment that we already have in place. Funding terrorism through Middle East oil is evil, and I want to get away from that.

I have got to give much love and respect to Tim DeChristopher, even though I don’t necessarily agree with his philosophy. As evidenced by this television interview, he is clearly well spoken, intelligent, and informed. He completely understood what he was doing and is fully willing to take on whatever action the system takes. It looks like he has an imposing legal team ready to defend him pro bono and it has been rumored that environmentalist groups may come to his side and actually purchase the land that he bought at auction, clearing him from any personal financial responsibility. This guy is a hero to environmentalists. He’s not MY hero per se, but he has emphatically proven me wrong. It is clearly possible for a single voice to be heard when the speaker is smart, persistent, and a little devious.

Well-played young man. Well-played indeed.

Random Thoughts on Election Day

I voted today and it was the most anticlimactic experience of my life. For more than two years we as a nation have been upended over this election. I’ve learned there is nothing more divisive than a presidential election. I’ve seen candidates’ religions, ethnicities, families, character, age, judgment, and fashion called into question. Seriously folks…who the holy freaking hell cares about Sara Palin’s wardrobe? I realize John McCain can’t lift his arms past his chest. Yes, I know Obama’s middle name is Hussein. Mitt Romney is a Mormon? Where are his horns then? He must file them down. We’re told to get out and vote because the future of humanity relies on our voice. It is our god-given right and DUTY to vote and American civilization depends on our hitting the polls. The universe will collapse on itself if it doesn’t happen! Yet such a crucial event consists of giving my last name to the guy in the flannel shirt and handlebar moustache, taking my voter card from the lady with the glass eye and floral-print mumu, and touching a computer screen for 90 seconds. The culmination of two years of irrational arguing and mudslinging was a grand total of 4 minutes of my time.

Dell Schanze ran for governor on the Libertarian ticket. Somewhere in the galaxy a star has imploded, a baby seal was clubbed, or an angel had its wings ripped off. This man is hardly fit to BELONG to a society, much less govern one. It's ironic that the only person in the state that craves media attention and photo op moments more than Superdell is our current governor, Huntsman. Bring back Norm Bangerter dammit.

I’ve decided once and for all that I WILL NOT read Twilight. I know I know, ladies, I told you that I would. I bought into your whole, “you can’t bash a book you’ve never read” bit. I figured I would read the book with a highlighter in one holster and a .357 in the other one (in case I actually started to like it) and would call it “research.” This author was being compared to Jane Austen and even Dickens in one discussion I had. But the more I think of it, the more I know that I most certainly do not have to experience something firsthand in order to understand it. I’ve never swallowed shards of broken glass, but I’m pretty sure it would be bad for me. I’ve never lit my head on fire, but I’m relatively confident it would suck. Likewise, I don’t have to read Twilight to know that it is a book for women. It totally misrepresents the true nature of vampires and werewolves and insults their ferocity and hatred for humans. And that freaking Edward is making it impossible for millions of men worldwide to meet the new expectations of their lovers. No, no, no, no. I’m sticking to my guns and moral compass on this one.

All rules are off when driving alone in a car. Propriety and decency mean nothing. A 90-year-old Asian woman just cut you off? Let the bird fly. The more lush and flowery the vocabulary the better. Frustrated? Put in some Tool and bang that head or fire up Dr. Dre’s “The Chronic” and let loose the F bombs. If you’re with someone else, normal societal rules apply and you need to be courteous to your fellow auto drivers with the gentle tones of Karen Carpenter soothing your soul. But when alone, give in to your inner badass.

Taco Bell boycott begins today. I have resolved to not touch my lips to Bell food for one year, starting right now. A very large group of us went there for dinner on Halloween night and the Mexican teenagers running the joint must have wanted to trick us instead of treating. Orders were messed up and the food was terrible. “No duh” you might be saying, but I’m not comparing TB to other (better) GhettoMex restaurants. I’m simply holding them to their own standards. I usually know what to expect when I walk through those doors, but on this particular night they really went out of their way to make our experience suck. Tables were sticky, floors were dirty, chips were uber-stale, meat tasted like cat, etc. Barf.

Obama is Bloody Brilliant

Yeah, I know. I swore off political pieces on the blog. But this topic is more about business, marketing, and advertising than anything else. I heard a quick blurb on the radio this morning about Barrack Obama targeting video games as an advertising vehicle. Being a gamer, I knew this was an absolutely brilliant move. As soon as I got into the office I jumped online and found this article confirming what I’d heard on the radio.

How does it work? The Microsoft XBOX can be connected to the Internet, allowing for important updates and patches and also facilitating cooperative or competitive play online through XBOX Live. When the gamer connects his XBOX to the web, he will get an update or patch that contains the Obama advertising. Then when he plays certain games online such as racing games, Guitar Hero, Rock Band, or any other game where there are banners, billboards, or signs, Obama’s “vote early” message will be displayed on the billboard. This is pure genius.

The older generation won’t understand why anyone would throw millions of dollars at advertising via XBOX. Video game players are 14-year-old kids with no social skills, pale grey skin, oily faces, and 30 pounds over/underweight. Right? WRONG. The following data was pulled from the most current news release I could find from the ESA, Entertainment Software Association, dated July 16, 2008:

The average age of game players is 35 years old.
65% of American households play computer and video games.
38% of American households have a video game console.
1 out of 4 gamers is over age 50.
33% of the gamer population is women over age 18.
41% of Americans plan to purchase 1 or more games this year.

This article also has some fascinating data that surprised me. It shows that parents are highly involved in the purchase of video games and are largely present when the games are played in the home. 63% of parents believe games are a positive part of their children’s lives. I’m part of that statistic. I was also thrilled to see that 85% of games purchased last year were rated “Everyone (E) or Teen (T) as opposed to mature content games with a “Mature (M)” rating.

I think it’s fair to say that a good portion of America is undecided on which candidate will get its vote. It’s also probably fair to say that a decent percentage of that statistic doesn’t have a firm understanding on issues and tickets but still plans to vote. Seeing Barrack Obama’s grill on a billboard stage left while you shred your Les Paul controller on “Cliffs of Dover” is just freaking cool. If I were one of the undecided ignoranti, I’d vote for him based on coolness factor alone. Obama is effectively reaching his target demographic while showing he is in touch with the "hip" generation. McCain is likely hobnobbing bingo parlors and spreading the word via squeezebox.

Brilliant move senator. Well-played sir.

Random Thoughts on a Friday

Clay Aiken is gay. Shocking. I realize this may come as a blow to people, but seriously folks…let’s pay attention. Did you not see the bright red leather pants he performed in on Season 2? No? Ok, how about his perfectly feathered Liza Minelli lettuce? Fine, then the mascara HAD to clue you in, right?! Look, if you didn’t see this coming then you should be hit over the head with a shovel. Your gaydar is entirely broken and useless.

Why do politicians think we are stupid? Instead of talking to us, intelligently vocalizing what they are going to do for my country AND HOW, they feel the only way to win the election and push the conservative/liberal agenda is to completely demoralize and humiliate their opponents. I don’t care so much about parallels to Barack Obama and The Antichrist as I do a SPECIFIC plan to get our boys out of Iraq and a SPECIFIC plan to distance ourselves from foreign oil. I’m not terribly keen to know about Sarah Palin’s witch-hunting pastor or John McCain’s ancient body, ready to death rattle and drop dead at any given moment. I’d much prefer to hear anything remotely intelligent that DOESN’T have to do with military. McCain is really starting to irritate me now. No-showing Letterman and stalling debates are devastatingly poor choices. Put all this partisan groin-shotting aside, and let’s talk about how the lot of you are going to fix my country.

Hollywood needs to butt out of politics. Yes, I’m aware this is a free country and freedom of speech is encouraged. But as a matter of principal, Hollywood elite should stick to entertaining us and not soap-boxing their political views. Matt Damon’s interview regarding Sarah Palin’s inability to lead due to lack of experience was disgusting. To assume that someone would be a poor leader based entirely on inexperience is a terrible fallacy of thought. Look at some of our local leaders. How tragic would it have been if someone told Randy Horiuchi that he wasn’t electable because he didn’t have any experience when he first sought public office? Hey Matt Damon…where would your career be now if your script for Good Will Hunting had been turned down because of your COMPLETE lack of experience in writing and your mediocre performances in School Ties and a few Kevin Smith films? In my not-so-humble opinion, expounding on political issues as a famous Hollywood figure is a biased abuse of position. Too many uninformed idiots out there will think “hey, Matt Damon is HOT, therefore he must know what he’s talking about…Sarah Palin is a moron!” And talk about a pot calling a kettle black, (zero pun intended there) Barack Obama has been under fire from day ONE because of his lack of experience in political leadership, from conservatives and liberals alike. And this doesn’t just apply to democrats. Chuck Norris endorsed Mike Huckabee. The few that don’t think Chuck Norris is the fighting God of Beard are terrified of being roundhouse kicked to the face. He had to have pulled in many thousands of votes for Huckabee. Votes not earned because of his policy or his character, but because the Texas Ranger liked him.

Sette Bello has the best pizza in town, period. End of discussion. The Pie doesn’t even hold a candle to Sette Bello. Even though types of flat focaccia-type food items have been around for many centuries, the pizza as we know it was born in Napoli, Italy. Sette Bello is one of 15 pizza joints outside of Napoli that has been certified as “vera pizza Napoletana”, or “real Napoli pizza.” The ingredients are imported, the oven is special, the wood is authentic. I lived in Napoli for 13 months of my life, where I ate pizza at least once a week. Ladies and gents, the pizza at Sette Bello is legit. My personal favorites are the margherita and the Bianca.

Is an XBOX a learning tool or a useless time sink? The answer is yes. When Talmage was 4 years old he was beating platformers like Banjo Kazooie and Mario 64 without even being able to read. That’s something that I couldn’t do with a 200 page strategy guide. I firmly believe that gaming systems promote learning in kids. They fine tune reaction speed, decision-making, problem solving, and teamwork. They require rational and sometimes creative thought. Given the right title and the right environment, video games make kids smarter. That said, Talmage often plays for three straight hours. I’m convinced he would play all day long if given the chance. But the longer he plays, the harder it is to get him to stop. The harder it is to get him to stop, the meaner he is afterward. It’s a thin red line.

The Blogosphere - Empowerment, Endangerment, Entertainment

I hope everyone is familiar with The Pizza Girl and her encounter with our Utah senate majority leader. For the few that have not seen the story on the news or read about it in the paper, here is a link to the story in the Salt Lake Tribune. The gist of the story? Young pizza girl delivers 5 pies to Curt Bramble and is unable to take a personal check due to company policy, typical of start-ups. Bramble pulls the "Don't you know who I am?!" card, rants, raves, calls the manager, makes himself look like a complete and total fool, then tips the poor girl $2 for 10 minutes of humiliation. Unbeknownst to Bramble, Pizza Girl is a blogger. And a talented one at that. She documents the entire episode on her blog.

Sometimes blogging is a lonely past time. I for one often feel that I'm standing at the edge of the abyss, screaming into nothingness, reaching no one. I know I have a few readers, my die-hard kind family members read this from time to time and post comments. Sometimes I hear secondhand that someone occasionally comes here and reads without commenting, but typically I write as a creative outlet and nothing more. Pizza Girl had the same outlook. She didn't realize that her story would pass from one friend to another to another, catch like a brushfire, eventually reaching many thousands of people, creating drama untold. She appeared on the news, has been featured in print, and is now a hero to little bloggers like me. Senator Bramble, naturally, has not had the guts to comment.

I love blogging. It's a virtual version of Alice's looking glass...nothing is as it seems. Real world rules do not apply. In cases like Pizza Girl, the pen is indeed mightier than the sword. In the REAL world she could never take on a Goliath like Curt Bramble, but in cyberworld she fought back and owned his philistine ass. In the atmosphere she is voiceless, in the blogosphere she booms, resonates, and reaches thousands of people.

I began writing as a creative outlet. I'd sit down to the computer and vent, rant, create. I told my parents about it one day and explained how therapeutic it was. They asked to see what I had done, so I printed it up. They raved about it, like good parents should, and asked for more. This fueled the fire and I kept writing. I eventually moved away from the Word format and started blogging. Incidentally, my first blog post was my first Word document.

My style continued to evolve and I believe it is now very clear. I lean heavily on sarcasm and I exaggerate. A few of my posts may be viewed to be "over the top" or "brutal" or sometimes even "inappropriate." Anyone who knows me well will understand that is just my style. I don't REALLY believe that spammers are worse than pedophiles. I'm a cynic. But boiled down, my posts still speak my mind. I hate spammers. I don't understand vegans. Utah is a red state. Auto mechanics are greasy and dishonest. If the subject of one of my flames were ever to actually read my post, and call me to the carpet, I'd have ZERO problem in letting them know that A) I am a creative exaggerator, and B) the basic thesis of the post was accurate. If you spam, you are an idiot. End of story.

I feel that blogging empowers people. It allows the silent to speak. In text, people can be many things they could never be in life. It is also one of the dangers of a virtual world. Awkward, scrawny, odd people can create a profile and persona of power and confidence on the interweb. Sometimes the alternate reality is preferable to the real reality. Fortunately for me, blogging is all about entertainment. I look forward to weathering the wave of writer's block so I can ink out the next post, and I truly enjoy reading others' fantastic blogs.

As for Pizza Girl, she took a tremendous amount of heat for speaking her mind and unfortunately she's starting to waffle. She has written an apology letter to Senator Bramble and has publicly back-peddled a bit. In the minds of many, this is showing maturity and grace. I, for one, wish she'd have stuck to her guns. This is the blogosphere, the looking glass. Grace isn't necessary. The man was a buttwad, and she justly called him on it. There is no slander, no libel. This is a vehicle for expression and opinion.

The character of Jeffery Chaucer from the film "A Knight's Tale" said it best. "I shall eviscerate you in fiction." Beware angry pompous tightwad politicians of the world. The bloggers are here to stay, and our kung fu is strong.

Little Blue Spruce

Classic question: If a tree falls in a forest with no one around, does it make a sound? My variation: If a tree falls in a forest with no one around, does anyone care? After all…the entire freaking forest is filled with trees.

I have always had a degree of respect for people that live for a cause. Even a ridiculous cause. I can’t sympathize or empathize with a vegan, because I just don’t see how my choice to not eat meat helps save the lives of chickens and cows. Not that I haven’t tried. Last week I passed by the meat section at Harmon’s and decided not to buy the t-bone. Believe it or not, the dead hunk of meat did NOT jump out of its cellophane coffin to shake my hand and praise my humanity for saving a life. That cow is dead. If I don’t buy the t-bone, the lady behind me will. My choice to consume eggs is not killing or hurting chickens. Choosing a canvas belt over leather does not save bovine lives. I refuse to believe that my singular choice can have any effect on a multi TRILLION-dollar agricultural and farming industry.

I’ve heard the story of the couple walking down the beach watching the girl throwing beached starfish back into the ocean. They ask “what are you doing little girl?” “I’m saving the starfish.” “But you’re just one little girl, your actions here cannot possibly matter to all these starfish?” “Well, it matters to this one,” as she tosses it back into the ocean. Great story. Great sentiment. But what if the starfish were already dead and hardened? Would it matter? Look, if the pork chops at Wal-Mart were crying and beating on their packaging to get out, you’d bet your butt I would yank off that plastic and let the pork chops go. But the pork chops’ fate has been decided. Throwing them back into the wild is just going to attract flies and vultures.

I do understand that living a vegan lifestyle for the purpose of not contributing to animal cruelty can give a certain level of personal satisfaction to some people. In which case I applaud and respect you for your decision. But I won’t subscribe to the actual effectiveness of your actions to the problem as a whole.

I bring this up now because I feel a similar level of despair as a voter in Utah. Right now I’m torn. I am as moderate as you can get…I lean to the left on most issues, but far to the right on others. But I am that singular tree in a vast forest of other trees. My falling will not matter. It will not affect the future or direction of the forest. This is a forest of republican redwoods. Network television suggests a volatile time of political theory crafting. But does it matter? If I chose to break out of my typically conservative shell and vote Obama, would it really make a difference? This is a red state. Period. It always will be. I don’t necessarily attribute that to a church/state issue. I believe church and state are separate here, but I also believe that the moral fiber of our Utah society, influenced by the LDS teachings, influences our voting decisions. Which means republican. End of discussion.

I have some facebook friends that are hardcore Obama people. I applaud you for your zeal and your dedication to a cause. I even envy your tenacity. But your vote is a tiny blue spruce falling silently in a forest of mighty redwoods. It will not be heard, and nobody cares.

Partisan Politics

Why do politics have to be so partisan and so…bundled? I wish voting were more like candy store shopping. “Let’s see, I’ll have one strawberry anti-abortion, two get-out-of-Iraqs, a handful of chocolate-dipped stem cell researchers, the biggest and fruitiest gay marriage hater you have, seven animal rights activists with a side of beef jerky, and a large glass of chilled cheap gasoline prices. Now wrap them all in a huge healthy economy and ring me up! And throw in a Twix.”

The other great thing about candy-store politics would be that you see what you get and you can verify it instantly with your tongue. If “Bush the First” had been a lollipop, we could have found out immediately if his “read my lips…no more taxes” vow was really the promised cotton candy flavor or more representative of llama urine. Clearly the llama urine won.

But instead of candy-store politics we are forced to purchase surprise goodie bags from the Armenian hotdog cart parked outside the downtown Blue Boutique. “Leetle boy, I promees you thees bag have much goodies for you!” The much goodies are never visible and come from a container that strangely resembles a metal garbage can spewing green steam. We have to read the label on the bag and hope that its contents don’t involve liquefied lips and sphincters.

I don’t want to be forced to partisan platforms anymore. I find myself so liberal on many issues such as health care reform and public education, but I am quite conservative on moral issues. Why can’t someone come out and extend the middle finger to the elephants and donkeys? Build me a platform that I can throw myself at. Tragically, there have to be people out there that agree with me and have the desire and resources to put such a platform together, but without the support of the communist bat-blind liberals or the zealot fascist rightists, our heroes would be doomed to fail. Thus I have to go on not voting.

And complaining.